J.T. Is runner up

I don’t know what else to say except J.T. Didn’t take state like we all thought he would. He wrestled his heart out and it was a sad ending but I hope he knows how much we love him and win or lose, he is my champion. I will just leave the message I wrote him here to sum up how it went since I really don’t have words to describe the heartbreak he had. But also, he wrestled amazing!! State runner up is pretty good if I don’t say so myself. 

So here is a text I sent J.T.

Son,

Last night was one of the toughest nights you’ve ever had.

This wrestling season, I watched as you defeated armies of young men. I watched you get pins, techs, and wins by points. I didn’t see you lose but two matches all season. You never once got pinned. You were a fighter. And those two losses were from boys in completely different divisions. And those boys said you were the toughest kid they ever wrestled. 

I watched you lift weights, work out, run, run and run. I waited up while you ran at 9:00, 10:00, 11:00 at night and sometimes later than that to prepare. No one else saw. No one else noticed all the extra work you did. You never bragged. You did it quietly because you wanted it. Your team mates didn’t see it. Your coaches didn’t know. But those you wrestled, they noticed. Your family noticed, son, I noticed. I knew how much it meant to you.  You had the heart of a champion. You always will.

Son, I know it hurts. I understand why you have questions. I wish I had the answers. 

But I want to tell you something. 

Boy, you keep your head up. That hard work was worth it. I saw you turn into a man during this season. A true champion. Someone who  learned to do what it takes; to do the hard, the impossible. I saw your guarded heart open up and take a chance on yourself. You became a gladiator, a warrior this season. It was heartbreaking to watch and so so beautiful.

Watching you grow into a confident, strong yet humble young man and then watching you crumble after your loss was too much. It was too much for this mama heart. It took me back to the first time I knew you were coming into this world, the first time I saw your face, the first time you cried and I realized that I would do anything, absolutely anything to take the pain from you…And most the time I could. I could stop the hurt when you didn’t want to grow up, I could stop the tears when you felt alone or if you were hurt. I could kiss it away, make you laugh it away or simply hold you. 

But son, last night was the worst. Not just for you. But for me. I knew when I saw your eyes and saw the look on your face that I couldn’t do anything to make it go away. That you were going to have to do this without me…That I wasn’t enough. And that’s when I knew what and Who you really needed. I knew the only thing I could do was pray that you would see and find your Savior in this moment. That through His grace and love, you could find peace and understanding. Because son, He is enough. He can help with the pain. He’s been where you’ve been. He walked out with you to that mat knowing full well the outcome, and he stayed. He stayed and walked with you when you had to walk off that mat without that champion title. But I guarantee to Him there was no disappointment. Only love and pride in his creation…you. 

I want you to know son, that you can turn to Him when ever you need. You are enough. Your hard work was enough. Your name might not be up on a wall. And that’s okay because your name is written on your Saviors hands and on His heart. And that’s better than any wall.

Keep learning to fly son. Don’t let the wind get you down. Keep climbing son. Don’t let the mountains stop you. Life gets hard. Don’t let that stop you from living. God sent you into this world for a reason and through Him you can do all things. 

Go with God JT. He is the one you need. He is is the only one who loves you more than I love you. Don’t forget my heart and arms are always open for you. I can’t take away your pain like He can, but I can cry with you and I can cry for you. You will always make me proud and just remember, that your hard work was worth it. It made you into who you are right now. Win or lose on that mat, you are a champion. You are my champion. You are my son and I love you more than you will ever know. You are and will always be my sunshine.  Keep shining His light. You were made for that purpose 

 

Avery steps up

 Avery had basketball playoffs the same weekend of J.T.’s state wrestling tournament (post on that later)

Avery is so tough. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. She had a really good season this year but struggled a bit on offense. She has always been AMAZING at defense. 

I just have to say, because I am her mom, and not because I am her mom, that she TORE IT UP at her play off games!! Seriously! She had her best games of the entire season. She rebounded, shot, defended and was the highest scorer on the team. She stepped out and took her spot and shined. I couldn’t be more proud of her. 

We all could see it in her…but she hates for anyone to say anything to her. She has always been a “don’t tell me what to do child”. Her looks are mean as hell but her heart is soft and tender. She’s beautiful and fierce, rude and sweet, sassy and so incredibly funny. Avery is everything I want to be and everything I want my girls to be. I love her so much and I am so proud of her. 

Words can’t describe how amazing she played. She saved the game. She, as in Avery Richardson, won that game for St. Johns high school!!!

I am not just proud of her basketball skills. I am so proud of her strength, hard-work and determination she put in. 

We hated having both kids playing/wrestling at the same time. It’s hard. J.T. Is a senior and so it was hard to decide what to do. But I couldn’t not go watch my Ave play. (Even though she could probably care less if I am there) So I flew 1.5 hours over to watch her mad skills and flew right back and didn’t miss JT wrestle that day. I am so glad I went. She is amazing and I can’t wait to watch her next year!! Kick some a$$ next year Avery! And never forget that you are amazing and perfect just the way you are. Keep shining that light Avery…🤍

Strength is not always being strong

( Yes, this is me in the bath as I am writing this…just roll with it.  I know it’s not my best picture. But it’s real and real is beautiful.)

Why do we as wives and mothers criticize ourselves to the point of not seeing our beauty and strength?  I could go on and on about all the things that I do wrong and all the things and people that I fail. Trust me, the list is long. But you know what?

 I. AM. STRONG.. and so are you.

I have been doing a 30 day challenge for a calm mind and strong body. It’s been hard. But I am almost finished and I realize that it’s ok to not be perfect. Strength comes in all different packages and sizes. 

It comes in the form of being exhausted and taking care of your family anyway. It comes in the form of trying and failing and then trying some more.

 Strength is being terrified of heights and stepping into that hot air balloon anyway. 

(Yes, this was me crouched down in the basket of the hot air balloon in Egypt trying not to pass out. My legs weren’t working and I was so shaky and dizzy…a nice thank you to my mom for capturing one of my weakest moments 😂)

Strength is sacrificed time for those you love. Cooking, cleaning, sitting in the car or bleachers for hours to support those amazing humans you created. It’s not always fun. In fact, it’s rarely fun. But it’s strength and it’s love.

(Me in the car waiting to pick up a child from practice)

Strength is crying. It’s being sad and weak. It’s recognizing that you can’t do it anymore and taking a break: talking to someone, writing, painting, drawing, reading, playing guitar, playing piano, singing, exercising or dancing…(those are all things that I love to do for myself when I need a break.)

( Me playing the piano.)

Strength is doing the hard stuff. It’s holding back the mean words and thoughts that you want to say, but don’t. to save someone’s feelings. It’s closing your eyes and taking a loooooooong breath when you’re about to lose it. 

It’s no make up, pajamas, drinking some herbal tea to get through homeschooling your children.

(Me drinking my positive energy tea sitting at the table while kids are doing their work…I will be honest, I don’t know how well the tea works.😂)

Strength comes in the form of cheering someone up when they are sad, holding someone close when they need it, laughing, teasing, kissing, loving and loving hard. It’s walking in the sunshine, walking in the cold dark night all bundled up. It’s being terrified and awestruck at creating a life or six lives…and bringing those lives into this world. Being a mother and delivering my babies has shown me the strength I am capable of. 

It’s sitting on the couch watching a show with your son that’s about to leave home. It’s letting that boy take your heart with him even when you’re not ready. It’s watching your daughter make the winning shot at the last second of the game. It’s watching your kids ride and play outside together. It’s braiding your girls’ hair and realizing they are taller than you and it won’t be long until they don’t need you to braid their hair before their games. It’s snuggling on the couch and falling asleep even when there are a million other things that need done. 

(No, I am not, and have never been a napper, I have taken approximately 5 naps in my whole life and here is one of them.💛💙)

I am realizing that a lot of my weaknesses are actually my strengths. I am seeing myself through different eyes and I like most of it. But I accept all of it. Even the things I don’t like.

 Things I see about myself… I am really fun. People like to be around me. I absolutely love people! I love to laugh and I love making people laugh. I love a good prank and I love to scare people. I read into everything and get my feelings hurt easily. I forgive easy.  I am sweet and I am wild. Seriously, I try hard to not be wild, but I can’t control it!!! I think it’s the red hair…😄 I am a good dancer. I am really artistic. I draw and paint.  I am pretty musical. I love hard…I love deep. I am very spiritual. I love God. And knowing God loves me gives me strength. I love being barefoot. I am kind of a hippie. I LOVE being naked! I should have been a rainbow person. I am very fearful of heights and small spaces. I can be a worrier. I am a dare devil. I am really flexible. I am a good listener. I am a very physical person. I love to touch and be touched. I am passionate and love to debate people. I also love to help people when they need it. I have never esteemed myself higher than anyone. I love all people. I make friends easily. I get angry easily. I love even easier. I laugh and tease more than most..especially to drive someone I love crazy. I love sunshine and I love rain. I hardly ever cry. But when I do cry it feels terrible and then good. I am a good wife. I am a good mother. I love being a woman. I am weak and I am strong.

All of these things, good or bad, make me who I am. If I know you, I love you and you have helped me to be stronger somehow. So thank you! And remember that you are pretty awesome yourself!  I see all of you and I love all of you. 💕

Some random photos of myself on good days and bad…

My daughter’s birthday. I was too busy to get ready for the day

I climbed into a pyramid when I am really scared of small spaces

I got married 💕

A good day of homeschooling

Hugging my son after a loss

Playing guitar when I needed a break

Late at night, tired, but finished one of my 30 day challenges

I got ready for the day

I love you

Having a tired day

Going on a date with these two

A good day

Stressed day

Lunch with some of my kiddos

My kids’ biggest fan

Holding my babies when they’re sad

Birthday girl lunch

Good day

Peaceful day

Great day

Better believe I love a caramel apple

Tired and hot after a long day

Good night to snuggle

No color…just me

Bringing life into this world after a very hard labor all night

Not happy, not sad

Flower arranging 

Lipstick in black and white

Practicing singing for my church when I don’t have a mic stand…

Not the best day

Sunshine ☀️ 

Holding my baby

I just went on a roller coaster…I made it out alive 

Happy

A funeral arrangement I made with sunflowers 🌻 

I love sunflowers. 💛🌻

I am learning to love my flaws and and my stressful, hard, sad and lonely moments because those moments are the ones that make me who I am. And I am learning to like and accept who I am. Who am I to say that God made a mistake? He didn’t make a mistake with me or with you. Start loving yourself. Those broken hard moments turn out so beautiful. Just remember God loves you and I love you.💕