Wednesday, June 28, 2017

My journey to finding ME

       I have been thinking a lot lately about who I am, what I like, what brings me happiness, what do I enjoy, what makes me sad, mad....all of those thoughts.
             The only thing I could think to do to figure it out, was to write about it. I love to write. It makes things clear in my head. So I thought I would start a journey. My find me...I mean, I know where I live, who I live with, who I love, what I look like...but can I find myself amidst the wife I have become, the mother, the friend, maybe some cases the enemy(hope not). I just really want to find who I am.
            So my journey begins now...I will write as often as I can and just..write. whatever comes into this brain of mine. :) Here goes nothing and everything....
  do have to go to the

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Where do I begin...What words do I use to articulate how amazingly crazy my life is right now? And when i say my life, i mean my home life, my mommy life, my maid life....That life. The one that I wouldn't trade for any amount of money or possession in this world. The one that makes me tear up because it's so wonderful aaaaaaaand so horrible, the one that makes me laugh so hard because it brings me so much joy and because I have to laugh as there are no other options except going to prison for the things I want to do. The life that I wanted, dreamed of, prayed for...(sometimes I am like..."Really, I prayed for this?"...insert laughing crying face here) Yes, that life....Here goes nothing..and err....everything...Prepare...:)
    I woke up this morning feeling like the best mom in the world. Yup, you heard me right...I was the best mom. I stayed up late, drawing a sword for my son who is writing a book with his friends..and guess what people, he asked me...ME to illustrate his book... Oh yea, I wasn't about to let his little heart down, and first thing on the list was a sword..THE sword..and hey, I don't mean to brag, but I did a damn good job on that sword. I even taped it above his light switch so that when he woke up in the morning he definitely wouldn't miss it...So waking up to a little boy that is growing way to fast for my liking, jumping on my bed saying "Thank you sooooo much mom, I love it, It's sooooo awesome..." made me smile and think "Today's going to be alright...I've got this down..."
    Fast forward a few minutes to my oldest four getting ready for school; me nursing the baby as fast as I can so I can get the girls' hair done so their teachers will think "oh, she does care....sometimes"... aaaand...time out.... we will just be honest here, I choose to nurse this angel baby so that I can stay in my nice warm bed a few minutes longer before i have to save the world..i mean live the dream... But, that quiet moment only lives a few minutes, then I have to put my big girl panties on and get downstairs carrying both babies so that I can order instructions while doing one head of hair, so the others will make their lunches (yes I could make their lunches, if i really wanted to....don't judge me) and get shoes on before it's time to head out the door. Today is no different, despite what I thought....that awesome sword did nothing to help my son put shoes on, or even find his shoes before the honking began outside... But, after a whole lot of kisses and "bye, I love you's,"and "your shoes under the couch" and "don't forget your lunches!"... it's quiet... Just kidding yo, I've got a 2 year old and a 6 month old people. When those kids walk out the door, I am completely and utterly alone... with the angels...aint' no one going to take over my ninja servant duties for me.
      Once that door closes, my two year old and mine eyes meet...her lips part to reveal those brand new white sparkling crowns we paid for with our savings...and she smiles...I know that smile. That smile that says "oh, you think you got this? I ...WILL ...CRUSH ....YOU..." It's in that moment that I realize I don't even have big girl panties on ..I am still wearing my husbands underwear because I decided to go walking instead of do laundry yesterday. Yup, that's the raw truth folks...I wear men's underwear on occasion.
    It's funny how your standards change when you have multiple children. I mean come on, how hard is it to throw that load of clothes in the washer? Really, not that hard I would have argued 2 children ago. But now you realize your sweet baby may or may not get attacked by your toddlers ninja skills that she inherited from you while you are out of eye sight. But, I've got this right? so, I grab a basket of clothes, the baby in tow and head through the kitchen that my adorable kids cleaned last night right?!......NOPE....Everything they "picked up" Is now in the hallway and doorway of the laundry room. No way I can make it in there with both arms full. So i drop the basket in the hall and head back to clean the living room instead..Inside, trying very hard not to explode with anger at those little trolls, that promised me they cleaned the kitchen for me while I was putting babies to bed last night. "Let it go, let it go.." I sing to myself since I pretty much only speak Disney and rated R. Let it go seemed like the better choice while holding the baby.
    So, i begin my daily duties of cleaning up the living room while changing diapers and getting sippy cups and nursing and changing more diapers...By now I have a pile of diapers that need to be thrown away. So i make my way to the pantry to find that I forgot to buy garbage bags AGAIN....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....AHHHHHHHHHH. If it didn't smell like a sewer before in my kitchen, it certainly does now with those poopy diapers that are just stacked on top of the garbage can, that now reaches my top cabinets. As I begin to start putting trash in grocery bags, i hear the baby cry...running in the living room, i realize i was gone too long with out watching them. My toddler is trying to pick up her brother that is as big as she is. "I hoed him mama"....Yup, "let me help you", I say. It's funny though, now she doesn't want to..Of course it's not fun to hold the baby unless you can cause pain....
     So I carry the baby around as I finsish picking up the living room..Whew, only 3 hours later and it almost looks like we aren't discusting people. So i go to put the kid' things in their cubbies that they "forgot" to put away..sure, sure. And I look at the floor where the cubbies are and realize I am not only wearing mens underwear, not wearing a bra, not wearing make up and still in pajamas, but I am now outsmarted by the humans I created. I told them before school that whatever they left on the floor, was going to get thrown out by me. Ya, I HAD THAT... I had enough and I was sticking to it...Well, those little shits (I say that with the most love and adoration I can muster) picked up and put away everything they wanted to keep and threw all their school papers and anything they didn't WANT on the floor....Yup, that happened...Outsmarted by a first grader. How did I not see that coming....?
     So What do I do? I admit defeat. I sit on the couch, nurse my baby and watch while the ninja jumps all over me and the couch while throwing pillows off onto my one clean floor. And yes, i let her eat the old food that she scavenged out of the couch cushions. I just watch, and I laugh...Yes, I laugh, and laugh and laugh..Then I laugh louder and harder because guess what?! I prayed for this ya'll....
     The only consolation i have is that tonight as i tuck my growing babies that don't look quite like babies anymore in bed, i will whisper, " i love you, you guys are my sunshine" and they will tell me i am the best mommy in the whole world. and i will sit in the quiet and realize it will be too quiet before long and i will miss this...


Monday, March 20, 2017


Well, J.T. got his cast off. His arm seems like it's healing pretty well. He and Ave are doing track. Ave is doing high jump and J.T. is doing the relay..that is all I know they are doing right now.
We just had spring break. Jon was working, so we didn't do anything too fun. I did take the girls to see beauty and the beast while Jon watched J.T., Avonlea and Titus. It was fun to spend time with them without the babies.
Ave got her gums cut so the dentist could put a bracket on them and pull them down. she has a couple stitches on each tooth. but she is doing good.
Evanna's mommy teeth are starting to come in from where she knocked her baby teeth out. :)
Alyvia has only lost 2 teeth so far. She does have one that is loose right now...:)
Avonlea is talking more everyday and is a hot mess is so fun and sweet. I just videoed her singing the Moana song while the kids are at school. It was sooooo cute!
Titus is 6 months...What?! Where the heck did the time go? No teeth...Can sit up relatively well by himself (he just can't stop himself if he falls)...Screams and squeals a lot...rolls both ways...trys to dig his feet in the floor to move, but doesn't go anywhere too far that way...chews on EVERYTHING...still so content. He is the best baby I could ask for. I hold him probably 90% of the time....:) I cant stop myself. He still nurses like a champ and has only ever tasted a bottle of formula...(Long and the beast...Jon thought he was supposed to go home...I thought he was going to watch them in show low while i was in the movie....Titus had a bottle of formula....) He probably is old enough to eat some stuff, but he is so content, I will wait until he is super ready.
We got fake grass...we are trying to get our yard nice, it is looking so much better! I cant wait to have no mud for summer! (I guess i cant say no mud, but close to no mud...:))
Well, that's pretty much it...Our life in a nutshell...

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Avonlea's birth

We tried so long for a baby...for our Avonlea Janell Richardson. We tried for 2 1/2 years. After that, I decided I never wanted to try again. I hated the disappointment every month. A month after we decided the gap was too big between Alyvia and another baby, I found out I was pregnant. :) Jonathan and I were going away for our anniversary, and I took a test. Jon came home right after and I tried to walk out of the bathroom normally...but my face must have looked weird or freaked out, because Jon asked me what was wrong. I said nothing, but he didn't believe me. I hugged him, and then he got more freaked out...:) He kept asking, so i handed him the test. He was so excited. We all were. We gave the kids easter eggs with a piece of the puzzle, saying we were having a baby. They were so excited!
Well, fast forward 9 months...almost 10...(I got enduced 2 weeks late). Dr. Coss game me cytotek?...It started my labor and I didn't have to do pitocin. I did hypno-birth with her (the book) and I can honestly say I did not feel any pain at all. I kept telling my nurse and Dr. that I wasn't really at an 8. Dr. Coss broke my water then, and then yes, I ate my words...:) I had one hour of extreme pain. But i was able to have my 9lb baby totally natural on December 19, 2014. She even had an arm up by her head during delivery. It was a wonderful experience that i am glad i got to do. She was our Christmas miracle.
She is now 2 years old, and the most fun, sweet, crazy, wild, sensitive, strong, most beautiful little girl you will ever meet. We all LOVE our sweet baby we prayed so long for!

Just to remember Avonlea's funny personality!


Sunday, February 26, 2017

Tonight was the best night ever! We totally let the kids sing with the karaoke machine. And Jon and I sang was so fun. Avonlea was devestated that she couldn't sing let it go from frozen the whole time...her 2 year old heart was broke...;) all the kids had fun. It was a moment I loved....

Monday, February 20, 2017

I have to document that JT broke his arm going snowboarding the first time...:) he is ok and will miss about 3 weeks of wrestling (spring) he did well at state wrestling. We were so proud of him.
He doesn't love school like he usually does. Darn it. His teacher and his personality don't mix well I guess.  I am glad he has good friends to keep his spirits up.
Avery is playing basketball and is amazing at it! Seriously! She is aggressive and confident.  She amazes me! She loves school and has good friends. She also is playing piano and is amazing at that! She also is still Avonlea's little protector and spoiler.  Avonlea is lucky to have her avery.
Evanna is playing basketball, and rocks it! She shocks me with how aggressive and how willing she is to try. She needs to work on making baskets, but is doing really well! We are all impressed with her! She is doing paino as well and does great! That girl will hear a song and then go sit at the piano and just figure it out...amazing! She loves Titus so much. Her 2 teeth are finally starting to come in. She will look so different with mama teeth!
Alyvia isn't doing anything right now. Thank my lucky stars....;) she did piano for half the year with aunt jenn, but decided not to do it until jenn does it again after having her baby. Lyvi is so fun and bossy right now. She is so athletic. When she gets old enough to do sports, she will be amazing! She loves school, is so smart! She is still so scrawny and still looks so much like Nelly!
Avonlea (boogs) is still running the roost. She makes everyone do what she wants. Her voice is so cute. She talks so well. She loves tituth....:) it's just her and titus and me while kids are in school. We have our schedule...breakfast, masha, toys, laundry, pick up, lunch, baba (nap) play, get ready to get kids...thats her favorite part. She loves the kids...Ave still is her little mama..Ave....I need ave...she wants to go everywhere with her. Her heart breaks when ave won't play with her or she is gone. She got 4 top teeth fixed, her hair is starting to grow and her favorite thing to say is "no way"....yep, that's our avonlea...
Titus if 5 months and getting big! Rolls everywhere, laughs and smiles constantly, rarely cries, babbles and squeals all the time, nurses, plays with toys, loves baths, loves being tickled and eaten, lost most his hair...:)
Jon is working like a mad man..2 jobs. I miss that man so much! I am so grateful for the time we get together. He does so much for us.
I am just being mom...:)
Well, he is here! Has been for 5 months...:) Titus LV Richardson was born on September 14, 2016 weighing in at 8lbs 10oz and was 22 inches long.
He was (is) so cute! Like adorable cute! It was so fun to meet him. What I remember most about his birth is that  Jon and I were the only ones there. My mom didn't come because she was teaching seminary. I loved it just being us. It was so nice to spend time together with our last baby. It was a peaceful experience I am glad we got to have. I remember going in twice..yup, that's right, first induction didn't work...second one finally did since they were able to break my water. I did get an epidural, which made everything smooth and peaceful. Jon and I passed the time by playing candy crush and talking. I walked a lot.. (halls, stairs...ran some...:)) I was so anxious to meet my son. When it was time to push, I didn't push hard with the first contraction, because I was afraid of pooping...seems silly now. I even told Dr. Coss that and my nurses.. I told them I would push hard the next contraction, and he came quickly. He was amazing. I prayed he would be able to handle the enduction, and both times they endured me, his heart rate never droped once..he was strong. I knew he would be.
His hair was dark and he had a lot of it! His cheeks were chubby and he was beautiful. I fell in love with the baby that completed us. He made me whole.
He has been the best nursery ever. It never hurt to nurse him like the others. He was so calm and so relaxed, that while my milk wasn't in, I basically had to force him to wake up and nurse. My other babies tried sucking the life out of me trying to get milk. Titus, no, he just was content. Then my milk came in and he nursed great. It was awesome!
He was and is the happiest baby ever. I am pretty sure I have held him for 5 months straight...:)
He is rolling everywhere, wants to grab everything, and loves to scream (happy squeals) and babble. He loves baths, toys and being held and nursed... I couldn't ask for a better baby.
And did I mention that he is freaking cute? Like so so so cute! I could squeeze that chubby baby forever. I love the way he looks at me like I am the greatest ever!
The kids all love him...even....especially Avonlea. They all are so glad to have a brother.
Life really doesn't get better than this....